


Mortality

by AshAndSnow



Series: To the end of time [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: A Drabble A Day Challenge, Also slight Game of Thrones references if you squint, Because each chapter is exactly 250 words long, But I can't find the missing one, Canon verse, FrostIron - Freeform, Gen, I think a word has gone missing somewhere, M/M, Thor: The Dark World Spoilers, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 7,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1868430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshAndSnow/pseuds/AshAndSnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts with simple curiosity... and that utterly clichéd drink</p><p>An 'A Drabble A Day' challenge that took on a life of it's own and developed an actual plot. Reposted, because I want it to be in one collected work so I could use it as part of a series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read the installments seperately and not in one collected fic, drabble #1 is right here:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1031301

Tony stands there by the glass cage, two tumblers in one hand and a bottle of scotch in the other. He stands in the doorway and watches the deity, pacing the restricted floor space available to him. He is not yet muzzled though Tony has seen it. He does however wear the chains arounds his wrists, the only thing preventing him from magicking his way out, glass walls be damned.

He knows the god knows he is there, that he is just not deigning to pay him any attention. Not yet, at least. Tony likes to pretend he is just that stealthy, that the god really, genuinely hasn’t realized he’s there. But he is no Natasha and soon enough the god grows tired of ignoring his presence.

“Have you come to mock me?” he asks. And it would be easy enough to. Like Icarus he flew too close to the sun, his wings burned and he fell from the skies. Twice, if Thor’s explanations as to Loki’s twisted sense of entitlement is anything to go by.

Tony wishes he couldn’t relate as much as he does, but he more or less knows the feeling.

Tony just shrugs, an I-don’t-really-care kind of shrug and holds up glasses and bottle.

“Actually, I believe I owe you a drink.”

Loki’s face splits in a grin with a touch of mischief and amusement and Tony knows this might be the start of something much more significant than he has yet realized it will be.


	2. Accusation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony knows he can't have it all

Tony has come to a metaphorical crossroad.

For months, he has been seeing Pepper and screwing Loki and as much as he wants to keep them both, as much as he wants to ignore the problem he cannot keep it up anymore.

For months, he's been kissing red lips and running hands through equally red locks during the day, laughing and smiling and feeling normal and whole in ways he hasn’t ever before and knows nobody but Pepper can make him feel. But by night, red bleeds into fiery green and milky white and everything is sweat and pleasure and moremoremore.

Pepper doesn’t know and Loki pretends he doesn’t care. But he sees the way they look at him. Pepper silently asking what is wrong, why am I alienating him, am I making this up and Loki kicking the hostility up a notch, telling himself not good enough and it breaks Tony’s heart.

He knows it’s time to choose.

Pepper is safety and security. She is love and hope for a better future and the promise that he can be fixed and whole and okay. But Loki is understanding, somebody to relate to. Loki knows without needing to ask and while Pepper is the one who can calm the nightmares and occasionally chase them away altogether, Loki is the one who shares the dream with him and doesn’t poke and prod.

The worst part?

It’s too easy a decision.

And he knows his heart might not survive the choice.


	3. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki misses Tony more than he wants to admit

Loki’s footfall is soft and quiet on the balcony on which he so very nearly managed his goal so long ago. The memory is not what has him pacing though.

Loki would argue he has a right to pace if he so wishes, but as talented as he is with lies and untruths, he cannot lie to himself about what has him up.

He has his own room in the tower to which he has been confined to serve his prison sentence but he has spent barely a night in it despite having lived in it for so long. Ever since Tony broke it off with Pepper, Tony’s bed has been the place he seeks his sleep even though they are officially nothing but housemates. And he has unfortunately become so attached that the bed is too big without the obnoxious snoring next to him and his own room does not feel welcoming at all.

So he paces the balcony while Tony is out at some benefit, seeking comfort in the view of the stars he once called home, pretends he is a boy again and that this is his mother’s balcony, that he can feel the warmth of the fire burning in the fireplace against his back and that Frigga’s soft humming still reaches his ears.

He has stilled his pacing when Tony comes home but he is still on the balcony. The mortal joins him without question, slipping an arm around his waist and staying silent.

Loki’s grateful.


	4. Snowflake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki tells Tony about Jotunheim

Loki looks out the window, watching the white fluff of winter falling from the sky. He dreads it’s coming, dread’s the colder half of the year as it passes on Earth.

Of course, everybody else loves it.

“I don’t understand,” Tony said as he dumped down onto the couch by his side. They’re alone in the penthouse, the only reason Loki is so freely spending his time in the main room, so Tony doesn’t hesitate to rest a casual hand on his knee.

“What?” Loki asks, voice flat and uninterested.

“Why do you hate snow and winter? Aren’t you supposed to be from some kind of alien race who thrives on the cold?”

Loki considers it carefully before answering, wanting to ensure Tony understands.

“Because if there is any way at all I can distance myself from the monster I am, then why should I not?”

Loki has to some extent embraced that part of himself, used it for destruction and as excuse and explanation. But he doesn’t ever want to be one of the frostgiants, doesn’t ever want to be anything like the creatures who brought him this misfortune at the very root of the problem. His father was of Jotunheim but Loki doesn’t have to be. He is of nowhere, would rather be of nowhere than be anything like Laufey. Loki is not the son of Odin but he damn well isn’t the son of Laufey either.

He’s just Loki.

Tony nods and kisses his shoulder.

“I understand.”


	5. Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony has been hurt

The first thing he registers as someone rips his faceplate off is the smell of smoke tinted with the unmistakably coppery undertone of blood.

He hadn’t seen that shot coming from behind, tearing into his side and taking him down, crashing him into the broken up concrete.

Who was Icarus now?

“You utter fool!” an all too familiar voice sneers, a voice that shouldn’t be there. And everything is foggy through the smoke, his brain is fuzzy after the fall, but he recognizes that Loki is there and he is so happy to see him he can’t even feel worried that he has escaped the tower.

“What- hey, Dasher. What are you doing here? Huh?” The question is clumsy, but he doesn’t care.

“Looking after you. You are clearly incapable of doing it yourself.” The voice is pissed and it’s only because Tony knows Loki so well that he knows how to detect the slight note of panic, but he does and it’s there and Tony isn’t sure if she should be happy or sad. Still, it makes him laugh which in turn makes Loki sneer.

When they fall silent and the only noises come from the crackling fire somewhere close, from the battle further away and from the city all around, Loki wrenches off more of his armor and rests his hand on his side where the wound is, glowing green and warm, heat travelling through his body as the magic stitches him up.

“Thanks, Lokes.”

“You’re welcome, Stark.”


	6. Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony admires Loki's magic

Tony knows he‘s for once managed to sneak up on Loki when he leans against the doorframe and Loki doesn’t look up.

It’s not the not-looking on its own, it’s the way he isn’t looking. He’s deeply concentrated or maybe just absentminded as he sits there, a tiny blaze of fire in his open palm. It’s green though sometimes it flickers into a bright blue before turning back into his lover’s signature color.

He looks a little bored, but that’s not unusual. He often wears an expression like that but there’s something different about it. It’s calm, relaxed. It’s a good kind of boredom, the kind that allows the mind a break rather than itch under his skin and beg for something to do (which can be great if Loki decides Tony is what he wants to do but can also be bad if he decides to allieviate his boredom by bugging Bruce or letting the Statue of Liberty come alive.

Tony can’t help but admire it, watching him twist and turn his hand and twitch his fingers to let the magical source of light and warmth bend to his will. Tony imagines that this is the embodiment of his magic, that this fire runs through his veins and he finds that he likes the picture.

Loki then looks up at him and something flickers in his eyes, confirming Tony’s belief that he didn’t know. He extinguishes the fire by closing his hand and the room feels a little colder.


	7. Formal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony suggests they go public

”You should join me tomorrow. For that benefit,” Tony says one day and Loki is caught completely off guard.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. You’ll get to wear a fancy suit and we can get piss drunk and have sex in the bathroom.”

Loki knows what Tony is trying to get at. Because Tony didn’t explicitly state that they should go with Loki in disguise and that means something. It means that Tony wants to take Loki, he wants to take him and him alone. Not some babe with his mind and his color scheme, but him. He wants to make it official and he wants to do it with a bang, dragging him out onto a red carpet in front of a whole bunch of paparazzi who will scream and shout and take their picture.

It means Tony wants to take it a step further. It means he’s done hiding and that he’d not ashamed to say ‘look at this, this man is mine’ and it means that he’s not afraid. They haven’t told anybody yet though Loki has a sneaking suspicion that agent Romanoff knows because there’s something in the way she looks at them, whether they are together or apart and Loki doesn’t know whether he is offended that a mere human manages to best him or if he’s just really really impresses. (It’s probably a bit of both though he will never admit to either of them).

“I don’t see why not.”


	8. Companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki considers past relationships

For so long, Loki has been on his own.

Sure, he’s had people around him but it’s not the same as having a life partner, no matter if it be platonic or romantic.

Thor used to be his life partner. They were brothers once. They shared in everything, fought and played and lived. Once, Thor meant the world to him.

Now he is nothing to him.

He has once had a wife. Sigyn had been loyal but she had also been too good for him and he had never treated her right. But once, he had loved her still.

Angrboda had been ugly and horrible and much more like what Loki truly deserved. But that had been a shallow bond and he has hardly missed her since the fall.

The fall.

Since the fall, he has been alone, roaming the universe in the darkest corners, getting tangled up with all the wrong people.

But now, he’s found a partner. He has Tony and while Loki knows that what they have is not unbreakable (because he knows Tony will turn on him if he reverts back to his old ways and he knows that he just might do so anyway one day) it is strong. Tony puts up with an awful lot and Loki is more often than not annoyed with him to some degree.

But as he turns in bed that morning and spots Tony still sleeping next to him, he allows himself to feel lucky just this one time.


	9. Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony wants to break Loki down piece by piece until he understands him

Loki’s a figure in constant motion, even when he’s completely still.

His mind’s a whirl much the same way his heart’s a beat and Tony wants nothing more than to crack him open and put him back together. He wants to know how everything works within him, mentally and physically, he wants to know the flow of magic in his veins and the train of thought in his head. He wants to know how he shifts appearance and makes stuff vanish and he wants to know how it’s possible to be so impossibly graceful when he’s writhing in the sheets beneath him, face twisting in pleasure in ways that should make anybody else ugly but only serves to add to his beauty.

Loki fascinates him to no end because he’s smart and he’s beautiful and everything he does is with so much elegance that he feels almost painfully inadequate next to him. But somehow, Loki’s long, noiseless strides always bring him back into Tony’s arms (until one day they won’t and whether that be because they’ll split or because Tony’ll die is still a mystery but Tony knows this isn’t forever, so he appreciates what he has now because he didn’t with Pepper because things seemed they would grantedly last forever until a green and gold hurricane swept over New York and broke them down, slowly and all at once, even if Tony knows that isn’t the only reason they split) and that has to be knowledge enough for now.


	10. Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pepper gets married

When Pepper gets married, Tony doesn’t attend the wedding. It just seems plain wrong.

After everything they went through, their entire personal relationship went downhill but the professional hasn’t changed too much. She is still his CEO and he doesn’t regret putting her in that position one bit because she is doing so much better than he ever could. They can talk business and be in the same room but it’s always just a tad strained and if Loki happens to stroll past, Pepper ignores him entirely (he never told her he left her for someone else but she isn’t stupid and Tony is ashamed but not regretful of anything).

So when the tabloids go crazy at the sight of the gleaming engagement ring – argent with a gorgeous diamond – on her finger, he sends her his congratulations even if he thinks it’s a bit fast to get married. But he also recognizes that Happy makes her, well, happier than he ever could.

Still, it hurts a little. Because as he sees her glowing smile in the newspaper and hears her blabber about how truly excited and happy she is about sharing her life with her husband-to-be on TV and listens to her talking about her plans for a beautiful ceremony and a lovely family life, he knows could have had all that.

But then he feels cool lips on his nape and he feels a bit better again. Pepper can have her engagement ring to herself.

He prefers gold anyway.


	11. Prepared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony asks about the escape

”How‘d you manage to escape the tower?”

Tony doesn’t have to elaborate. He knows Loki knows that he’s talking about that day a while back where he got hurt and Loki healed him. At the time he was just grateful but since he’s been wondering and worrying. He hasn’t told anybody about Loki’s ability to leave the tower unaccompanied though. But he has to ask now.

Just in case the day comes where he’ll regret not asking in time.

“Magic,” is the simple, almost uncaring answer.

“The tower’s been magic proofed. Thor made sure of it.”

“Doesn’t make it impossible. It was hard. Painful. Excruciatingly so, but…” Loki falls silent and frowns and Tony raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

With a look in his eyes as if this too pains him, Loki puts the book in his hands down and looks directly at Tony. The gaze is weighted and Tony is reasonably sure he can hear the gears turning as Loki contemplates whether or not he should tell. Because he knows that, depending on his choice of words, Tony will either ask more about his escape (which will be terrible if Loki ever decides to break his metaphorical chains and make a run for it) or shut Tony up (though clearly not without Loki needing to reveal some clearly very private detail).

“The alternative wasn’t an option.”

Tony knows it’s the closest thing he’ll ever get to a declaration of love, so he lets the subject drop and doesn’t say anymore.


	12. Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony recognizes that he won't live forever

It’s a simple fact of life that while his arc reactor might run for 50 lifetimes and his lover will survive for 70, Tony is going to be lucky to make it through one without dying before hitting the life expectancy limit.

It didn’t bother him much before. He used to live a very sex-drugs-and-rock’n’roll-lifestyle before he settled with Pepper and even then did he constantly keep putting his health at risk, even if he’d really loved her.

And now he’s with Loki and the Avengers are a thing in his life and while his life still isn’t settled (because while he maintains that the marathon sex with Loki is very much healthy, the drinking competitions with Thor probably aren’t and dating the god of mischief can’t be considered good either) there’s suddenly something to lose.

Loki won’t recognize the fact, however. He pretends the issue doesn’t exist. He mocks Thor for his fondness for Jane, points out that even if she should live for another hundred years it will be but the blink of an eye to them. Neither Thor nor Tony’s blind to the fact that Loki speaks his own fears but they also know better than to say so.

He’s tried to talk to Loki about it but the deity doesn’t acknowledge his attempts and Tony knows why he does it but it doesn’t make it any less necessary. But Loki doesn’t budge and Tony always gives up.

He supposes he’ll make it through another day anyway.


	13. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki refuses to let Tony go so easily

He’s supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer in all of the nine realms – greater than anybody who ever lived. He’s a natural shapeshifter, he’s gotten him and his surroundings into trouble more times than he can count and always gotten them out again. He’s the master of magic and the god of mischief and manipulation.

So why’s he falling short now?

The golden apples would have been an ideal solution. Unfortunately, Thor’s the favourite and if even he cannot get Odin’s permission to keep his lover alive, how should Loki hope to achieve the same?

He knows the solution to that too. He steals the apples, simple as that.

But stealing the apples’s a complicated task – not impossible, not for Loki, but there’s so much to consider, especially about the aftermath.

Asgard will be off limits and nowhere’ll be safe. They might have to live on the run. The supply won’t be unlimited and thus he’ll lose Tony in the end anyway. He cannot be sure Tony’ll make it if he brings him to whichever realm he fancies, because Loki may be perfectly equipped for the cold of Jotunheim but Tony certainly isn’t.

It’s not something he’s been speaking of, but he plots and plans in secret. It’s risky, riskier than anything he’s done before (that includes the Manhattan incident because that had looked an easy win and the punishment had been laughable) because this will mess with everything he knows.

But he’ll succeed. In the end, he’ll succeed.


	14. Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony moves on

It’s the anniversary of Obadiah’s death and Tony’s sitting up on the roof top of Stark Tower. He’s been sitting there for hours, Loki by his side, and they’ve been sharing the quiet darkness of the night together as they watch the lights of the city twinkle far below. A gust of air ruffles up his hair and out of the corner of his eye he can see Loki’s long black locks gently swaying, even as he is focusing on the feather in his hands which he found by his feet and picked up before he sat down.

“What do you see? When you look down there?”

Tony knows he doesn’t mean it literally and he sighs as he contemplates what to say. Loki knows in vague detail about what happened in Afghanistan with his past but he hasn’t told him about how his ‘replacement father’ had betrayed him, how he had had to kill him.

What he sees when he looks down now is the destruction of his past. He sees all the people killed by his weapons, Vanko and Hammer and their drones, the chitauri roaming the streets under Loki’s bidding. He sees Yinsen and his mother and Pepper.

But he also sees a growing version of himself. Because he knows he’s a better man now.

“Time passing,” he says.

And then he lets go of the feather and lets the breeze take it away as he watches it fly on a current of air until it’s gone.


	15. Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki enjoys a bit of chaos

Tony has never been particularly neat.

His main rooms are always more or less neat and tidy apart from a stray coffee cup or an abandoned tablet - because Loki, despite his chaotic nature, always puts his things back in place so it’s never his stuff lying about – he’s an organized creature which comes in handy when creating chaos and he is the only one able to tell which is which and what is what.

Tony’s workshops and labs… that’s an entirely different story. Because there, everything is a mess. Not to the point of it lying on the floor for anybody to trip over, but things aren’t ever where they’re supposed to be and yet Tony knows exactly where to find what he needs. There’s method to the madness which is Loki’s favourite way to do anything and he loves how well it matches Tony’s personality. Because down in the workshops and laboratories, Tony lets go and he’s himself and it’s reflected in the way he knows his way about the piles of tools and the spare parts scattered all about.

Loki likes sitting around in the workshop when Tony’s there, sometimes watching him, sometimes just sitting in the scatter of stuff reading a book. It feels like getting a peek inside his mind and he’s a scatterbrain but a scatterbrain with everything under control. He’s all over the place and he manages somehow to make sense of it all.

Loki always did prefer the mess of others around him.


	16. Thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki does something unselfish

Tony know full well that Loki is bottom line a selfish creature. And he doesn’t blame him for it because he knows he’s like that too.

That’s why it’s so surprising when Loki goes out of his way, just to do something for Tony.

It’s late in the evening and the paperwork’s been piling up and Pepper will flay him alive if he isn’t done by tomorrow, so he’s sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table and tablet in hand as he goes through file after file after file when a pair of cool hands settle on his shoulders and begin massaging his tense muscles, thumbs sweeping over his nape.

“Loki,” Tony huffs. “I can’t right now, I’m busy.” Because things like this always leads to sex and he really has to be done, even if the shoulder rub is just what he needed.

“I know,” is Loki’s simple answer and it confuses Tony. Why doesn’t he sound the least bit annoyed?

“…what?” he asks, stilling his movements.

“You just looked like you needed it,” comes the response.

Huh.

“Of course, I could always cease the massage if it does not please you.”

Ah, much more like it.

“No. No, it’s okay. I appreciate it.”

They continue their respective work in silence until Loki kisses the top of his head a while later and retreats without a word and Tony is filled with an odd kind of warmth.

That’s the last time Tony sees Loki in three weeks.


	17. Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki seemingly reverts back to his old ways

It stings as Tony watches Loki pacing the glass cage – this time placed in a room with a one way mirror so they can stand outside the room and see him but he can’t see them. It allows Tony to stare at him as much as he wants without Loki talking him around to letting him out.

Not that he could, what with the muzzle in place.

“What did he do?” he asks Thor who’s standing beside him, looking equally as broken and it occurs to him that he isn’t the only one emotionally invested in Loki because Thor’s his brother even if Loki doesn’t return the sentiment.

“He broke into a vault in Asgard a few weeks ago. None knows why.”

“A few weeks ago?”

“We weren’t able to catch him until yesterday. And when we did it was a pure coincidence. A group of our soldiers were in the vicinity for entirely different reasons when they found him and managed to catch him.”

That explains his absence during the last month.

“Did he steal something?”

“Yes. But we do now know what.”

“How can you not know?”

“Nothing appears to be missing. But the alarms went off – something was definitely taken.”

They fall silent after that, gazing at a man they both love, a man who probably doesn’t deserve said love.

Despite the impossibility of it, Loki turns in the cage and glances directly at Tony, meeting his eye, and he knows that the god knows he’s there.


	18. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki is gone for a while but not really

The dampness of April bleeds into the warmth of June.

Tony puts up quite the fight when they take Loki to Asgard, but it’s useless. His only consolation is that the separation isn’t forever and that, whenever Loki catches a private moment, he creates a holographic version of himself and sends it Tony’s way, using it to communicate with him.

It’s one of those nights and Tony’s sitting on the balcony while the not-Loki that looks so very real paces at the edge.

“What did you do in that vault?” Tony asks as he does every time the not-Loki’s around. It’s routine by now and he knows the answer before it comes.

“I can’t tell you. Not yet. But I will reveal my purpose to you. In time.”

“Then tell me what you’re doing in Asgard now.”

A smirk appears on not-Loki’s face and it’s reassuring because that means it can’t be that bad. If they were torturing him he’d be a lot prissier to talk to. “That, too, is a secret my darling.”

Tony huffs and he knows he’ll probably never learn what they’re doing up there in space but he’s starting to relax about it. It doesn’t seem like Loki’s being punished too badly.

“I miss you,” he admits and Loki’s face softens.

“Me too.”

Tony smiles a bit but before he can say anything, Loki takes a step back.

“I have to go,” he says.

And then he’s gone and the night seems just a little colder.


	19. Transformation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki returns and something has changed

When Loki returns it has reached early September and the weather has cooled. Tony’s feelings, however, have not.

When Loki unexpectedly shows up unannounced on his couch as if he has been sitting there the entire time, book in hand and booted feet up on the cushions, Tony lights up in a grin and he goes to kiss the deity who looks a bit surprised at the open affection but not displeased.

“When did you get back?”

“Half an hour ago I suspect.”

There’s something about Loki that’s changed but it’s… it’s for the better. He looks like himself but Tony can sense an underlying joy at being back and the fact that Loki is this open about his emotions (which, granted, doesn’t say a lot) as he lets Tony see them if only hinted at on his face is huge.

It’s clear to him then; Tony has missed Loki, but Loki was in no way unaffected either. Whatever they have (because it is still a little unclear at times) has changed. Whatever they have has become more profound.

He braves his nerves and reaches for his lover’s hand, holding the cool limb between in his own. The change won’t be obvious to anyone else but he is all for trying to push the change a little further.

And thus…

“I love you,” he boldly states, not caring anymore.

Loki’s response is hesitant and a little delayed, but it does come before Tony can freak out.

“The sentiment is returned.”


	20. Tremble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony and Loki have sex

Later that day (okay, not that much later) the two wind up in bed.

It’s a wonderful experience to rediscover something you know so well, because Tony’s been deprived of Loki for so long, at least physically, but all good things come to those who wait and Tony can confirm that the wait has been worth it.

Every dip in his body, every sharp angle and corded muscle is exactly as he remembers it and so much better still. Tony has a hard time remembering the time inbetween now and the last time they were like this, naked and pressed against each other, shivering with passion and despair and utter need.

Not that he’s trying to.

Their bodies grow slick with sweat as they move and Tony pins Loki’s wrists to the bed above his head and Loki lets him in a display of infinite trust even though they both know he could easily break free. The room’s silent apart from the faint creaking of the bed and the way their names spill from the other’s lips in sighs of pleasure, the slap of skin on skin and the rustle of sheets as they roll to swap places.

Beneath him, Loki’s shaking with his impending peak and it’s the most beautiful thing Tony’s ever seen as the golden light of the late afternoon sun hits his face. They follow each other as they reach their high and together they come down again aswell.

Just like the rest of their relationship.


	21. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki admits to his crime

Later in the afternoon, after their breathing’s evened out and they’re lying in bed, still sweaty limbs tangled together and wrapped in twisted sheets, Tony breaks the silence – not because it’s uncomfortable, but because he can’t keep silent anymore.

“What happened? In the vault?”

Loki’s hesitant to answer and for a long time he doesn’t speak at all. When he does, so long has passed that Tony thinks he’s drifted off.

“I stole from the tree of eternal youth,” he admits. It’s the first time he’s admitted to his deed but Tony’s going to notice it if he suddenly sneaks apples into his food and his lack of aging will not pass him by either. Loki’d usually rather beg forgiveness than ask permission (and this is meant metaphorically of course – Loki’d never really ask for either) but in this case he decides Tony should be in the know.

The news surprise Tony and he easily puts the puzzlepieces together.

“You mean… you would…” Tony is rarely lost for words but tonight is an exception.

Loki meets his gaze then, utterly serious and it is both exhilarating and sickening to Tony because he knows what’s next.

“I wish for you to eat of the golden apples and spend your life with me.”

Tony hesitates to answer because this is a crossroads he isn’t ready to face yet.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally says.

“I suppose I cannot ask for more.”

They fall silent after that. Outside, the sky grows darker.


	22. Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony makes a decision

It has been exactly a week when Tony announces his decision.

“I can’t, Loki. I just can’t do it.”

He has his reasons, of course. They’re at risk of growing tired of each other and if that happens he won’t have anyone to turn to. Everyone he know’s will have long since aged and died before his very eyes and he’ll have lost all he knows. And that’s only part of it.

Sure, immortality would be cool. He’s curious for the future, he longs to make a lasting mark and immortality will allow him just that. But it’s not worth it.

He’s too selfish and he isn’t giving up his life, not even for Loki.

Loki just stands there, looking at him and he opens his mouth to explain himself but Loki cuts him off.

“You refuse me?” he asks, voice deceptively soft and it makes Tony swallow.

“Yes,” he says, quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m offering you the apples of eternal youth, I am laying the world at your feet. And you have the audacity to refuse me?” His voice grows louder, angrier and Tony understands but it doesn’t change a thing.

“Refusing’s a terrible choice of words. I still want to be with you. But I can’t be with you for all eternity.”

Loki narrows his eyes and Tony doesn’t like it one bit.

“As you wish, Stark,” he says and it burns because the choice of name is laced with hate.

And then he’s gone and Tony’s alone.


	23. Thousand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki and Tony finally have an actual conversation about the age issue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes about the age:
> 
> In Thor 2, we learn that the Aesir live roughly 5000 years. Which means that I had to use a bit of math to calculate Loki's age. I went and looked into some life expectancy rates and what I found said that roughly 70 would be good and after a bit of fiddling I found that 71*71=5041 and decided to go with that. If the Aesir age one year through one human lifetime that will mean that they are 5041 after 71 lifetimes. Which means that Loki's 2059 makes him the equivalent of 29 - Tom Hiddleston's approximate age when he filmed Thor.

Loki eventually calms down (though Central Park undergoes some reconstruction in the meantime) and they manage to talk about it like the adults they pretend to be.

“Why?” is Loki’s simple question. He doesn’t know what else to ask. After all the effort he put into it, Tony is saying no and while he gave him the option it’d never occurred to him that Tony might not say yes.

“I can’t give up my life. Immortality’s too big a commitment.”

“It’s not forever. Just 5000 years,” Loki tries, but he knows that the attempt is pathetic. Still, he is not above being pathetic, not this once.

Tony chuckles and smiles a half, rueful smile.

“How old are you?”

“2059.”

“So we get 3000 years together. And then you die and I’ll be left alone for 2000.Even ignoring that, I can’t watch all my friends age and die. And eventually, I would lose you too? 2000 years to drive myself crazy’s not a good idea. I’m not made for lasting that long. And what if we split up? Give an infinite amount of monkeys an infinite amount of typewriters and an infinite amount of time and eventually they will type the words of Shakespeare. 3000 years is a long time. I’m giving you the one lifetime I have. Is that not enough?”

Loki sighs. He'd sneak him the apples but he knows Tony will then leave him faster than staying with him throughout his lifetime will take him away.

“Okay.”


	24. Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony turns the tables on Loki

It’s fall and Tony knows Loki is more at ease in the cooling weather but that’s the only good thing he has to think of these days. Or at least it seems so.

After their conversation, things have been a bit strained between them. Not to a breaking point but you just can’t tell your almost-immortal lover that you don’t want to spend forever with them and not have it affect your relationship a little bit.

In an attempt to remedy the cracks between them, Tony has invited Loki for a walk in the streets this evening. It’s a bit cold for his tastes but Loki seems content enough to hold hands as they wander down the empty little side street.

“Are you going to leave me?” Tony asks after a bit of silence.

Loki looks openly surprised and it makes Tony relax because at least he hasn’t drawn that much away from him.

“No. No, I’m not.”

Tony breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.”

After a beat, Loki says “if I stopped eating the apples—“

“No,” Tony cuts him off. “Don’t even finish that sentence.”

“But—“

“No,” Tony states again, firmly. “We’re not having this discussion. We both know you’d regret it in the end.”

Loki falls silent, as does Tony, because they both know it’s true. Loki would be content for a while but he would quickly grow bored.

Just like Tony, he is unwilling to give up what he has.

Around them, the leaves fall steadily.


	25. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki reveals his true form

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found it way too amusing that I got to write 'great joy' in a sentence about GoT references. Because it sounds like Greyjoy. Yes, I needed to point that out.

Snow starts falling and Tony takes great joy in abusing his name and making Game of Thrones references Loki doesn’t understand. But along with the jokes, a certain comfort sets in. The initial strain’s slowly fading, and they’ve learned to make use of what time they have.

Tonight, they’re sitting on the couch and looking out the window. Tony knows Loki’s feelings about the season’re mixed as he hates it for its meaning but feels much better in the cold weather. It makes him think about their conversation last year and that makes him curious.

“Can I see your Jotun form?” he asks.

Loki’s upper lip initially curls back in a snarl but Tony places a placating hand on his arm.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to. I just want to know every aspect of you.”

Loki stares at him for a while before emotionlessly stating “remove your hand,” which Tony does without complaint, waiting to see what’s next.

A moment later, a green light travels down his body and leaves blue in its wake as he shapeshifts into his true self, intricate markings adding to one of the most stunning, breathtaking views Tony’s ever had the pleasure of indulging in.

“Now you see the monster I really am,” Loki says and it’s only because Tony knows him so well he can detect the misery in his voice.

“Are you kidding?” he asks. “You’re extraordinary! You’re beautiful.”

Loki quirks an eyebrow but smiles and Tony knows he believes him.


	26. Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki proposes

”Marry me,” Loki says one day when Tony’s standing in his workshop, tinkering with his suit. It’s the first words they’ve spoken as Loki’s content to just watch Tony work, bare arms covered in sweat and grease, and Tony’s too focused for chatting with his lover.

It’s sort of out of the blue, really. They’ve never talked about it before and Tony never really imagined that he’d ever get married let alone to Loki. But Loki is standing there on the other side of the table where Tony is working, looking at him expectantly and Tony doesn’t really know what to say.

“Marry me,” Loki replies again, as easily as if he was requesting a glass of water.

When Tony doesn’t reply, only stares, Loki rolls his eyes.

“I want you to marry me,” he says again in an attempt to clarify. “If I cannot have you forever then I will have you as completely as I can for now.”

Tony’s still a bit shocked, but he’s warming to the idea. He was planning on staying with Loki anyway and this is a commitment he can handle.

Still, Tony is Tony and Tony is an ass, so he doesn’t accept without saying “I don’t know, you didn’t even buy me a ring or anything,” and the glare Loki responds with makes him laugh in amusement.

“Alright,” he agrees. “I’ll marry you.” And the smile that spreads on Loki’s face is so genuine that he doesn’t ever think twice about it.


	27. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki writes to his mother

Mother, dear

I am just writing you to inform you that the wedding went along just nicely. I am sorry you could not be present, but it meant a lot to us that we kept it private and father did after all forbid us to marry in Asgard. I know he does not understand but Anthony’s all that matters for now. Anthony’s never going to admit it, but I know he’s secretly most satisfied with the discreetness of it all. We did, after all, not marry for the attention. Insert your gasp of utter shock here.

The sentence has been lessened with my marriage as well – an unexpected but welcome surprise. I am no longer confined to the tower but Anthony’ll serve as my caretaker for the duration of his life. Afterwards, the sentence’s been served. I suppose they cannot bring themselves to punish me further after such a loss. And when I say they, I mean that the captain most likely convinced Fury. The soldier does, after all, have a heart of gold to rival Thor’s. Though I would ask you refrain from telling my brother so.

I still worry much for Anthony’s health. His hair has started greying. Not much, just a tinge of silver at the temples. But it is enough to serve as a reminder that our time is running out even as it has barely begun.

I am, however, happy for now, even if I know it will not last. Keep that in mind.

Loki


	28. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony turns fifty

It’s Tony’s fiftieth birthday and he’s outwardly okay about it. He smiles, laughs, throws one helluva party later that night. But inwardly… he worries.

He’s standing in front of the mirror, bowtie hanging around his neck as he’s getting ready for his birthday bash, but he’s stopped in his tracks, surprised at the image he makes.

He’s still handsome with deep brown eyes, a sharp goatee and a winning smile. But wrinkles are beginning to form, his once thick luscious hair’s beginning to thin and grey if just a little and he can see age slowly creeping up on him.

Sometimes, he wonders. Would things’ve been better if he’d accepted the apples? He doesn’t regret saying no, howeverm knows he made the right choice.

Lost in thought, he doesn’t notice Loki’s approaching until cool hands gently turn him so the mirror captures them standing face to face, long pale fingers coming up to deftly fix the bowtie without a word.

Loki. Beautiful, everlasting Loki who doesn’t look like he’s quite reached his thirties and has lived thousands of years and will live to see another three millennia. Loki who could have the world and has settled for him.

“I’m turning fifty,” he states, a bit flatly.

“I know,” Loki replies softly and they both know what that implies.

“…how do I look?” he asks, hoping Loki’ll understand what he’s trying to say.

Loki smiles gently. “Fantastic.”

Tony bites his lip. “You sure?”

“I swear.” And Tony knows he means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it was unclear, Tony is worrying that he is getting too old and Loki doesn't find him attractive anymore and that he'll stop loving him. So there.


	29. Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki and Tony enjoy a quiet afternoon

The years pass as years tend to do.

Tony’s aging, but Loki’s staying and while Loki sometimes thinks their relationship’s too complicated, that maybe he shouldn’t stick around, that leaving before he sinks in too deep’d be the best thing… there’s something else to it.

They’ve been married 20 years by now and despite the complications it’s the easiest thing to be with Tony. Because Tony’s still handsome, still brilliant, still able to take him down a few pegs and to challenge him and keep boredom at bay.

The afternoon’s quiet and soft and Tony’s sitting in an armchair with his tablet, Loki in another pretending to read a book while he really watches Tony who seems oblivious to the attention paid to him.

For a while, Loki considered breaking it off. Eventually losing Tony was an unbearable thought, ending what they have is inevitable but it didn’t have to be because of death and Loki is never going to admit it, but he considered it indeed.

But as he is sitting there, he knows this; Despite the hardships, this is easy. Despite the silver streaks and the still deepening wrinkles that contrast Loki’s smooth skin and raven locks so harshly, this is still beautiful.

What they have is precious and fragile and fleeting but he wouldn’t trade it should he get the opportunity to go back and change it. He doesn’t want to run anymore.

And as he looks at Tony now, he knows it’s far too late anway.


	30. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony dies

Tony dies at 73 of simple old age.

He doesn’t go out with a bang, like one might’ve expected. Instead he gets to say his last goodbyes to his loved ones and Loki’s there the whole time, holding his hand assuringly as his very last sigh escapes him.

Loki had so many plans for this day. Because while he never did regret living out Tony’s life with him, he was always very aware that he wasn’t living out his full potential. He was a being of chaos and living in such peace was not an easy sacrifice for him to make. And in that sense, letting Tony die was perhaps for the better or Loki might’ve withered and wasted and eventually tired and left him.

But standing here, now, he doesn’t have the will to go through with any of it.

They’re alone now. Or rather, Loki’s alone with the body.

He reaches over to carefully remove the arc reactor with a metallic click. He holds it carefully in his hands, cradles it to his chest.

It’s still glowing, a soft and comforting blue which annoyed Loki to no end in life but offers him the only comfort he has in death.

He retreats after that. He disappears entirely from the face of the earth without a single goodbye to anyone – not even Thor whom he promised to consult before ‘doing anything stupid out of grief’.

But he has a new plan to plot now.

The end of the world.


End file.
